what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just threw up on my dentist
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
