it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize