Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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