All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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