Porn is love you can see.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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