i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
