Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
