it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
