Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize