You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
