I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
