My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize