Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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