I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
