I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
