Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Randomize
