i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
