I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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