if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
