Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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