Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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