I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Someone signed my nipple.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
