her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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