I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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