I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
