our cab driver is having phone sex.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize