8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She bit a glass in half.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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