I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize