I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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