So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I can text with my tongue
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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