dude i'm inner monologue high
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize