Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
