Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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