Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
