I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
