Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
