Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
