I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
