the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize