It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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