who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
