i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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