I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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