Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
