oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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