my sisters under your porch take her home
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
