thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
