dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
