Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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