Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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