This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
