I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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