i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
