He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize