remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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