I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
is that a dick in a sweater?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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