What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
