You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
