This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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