you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
