so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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