hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize