My nipple is on Facebook.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
