I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
