forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
