im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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