mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
