I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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