You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
