Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
