Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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