I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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