drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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