dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize