1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
