I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize