You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
