i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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