dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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