can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
