Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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