Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
