My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
