ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
