okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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