a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
