YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
