Porn is love you can see.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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